Wednesday, November 21, 2012

The Tortoise and the Hare... a trail runners version

There are many theories as to what causes the start of a war.  These can include the need for land, resources, racism, global domination.  People spend their lives studying past wars and conflicts, attempting to answer this question and thus prevent future wars from occuring.

Well, I am here to save them all that time and trouble.  I know what starts a war....

It is a long story, but one worth telling.  The true version of the Tortoise and the Hare.
It all began with the Hare, intensely training for a marathon PR next year. 
 The Tortoise and he Tortoise neighbor mocked the Hare, saying things like; "Been there done that."  "You have fun with that." and "I used to think like that too, then I got smart." 
But, the Hare dd not listen, she just kept training. 
As winter set in, so did the germs and the Hare fell ill.  She could no longer train.  For two weeks she had to stay indoors and not run.  Meanwhile the Tortoise and her neighbor were running like crazy.  One day the neighbor called the Hare and said, "I ran with the Tortoise today, she is like a machine!"  That is when the scales tipped.
 A trail run was scheduled, the Hare was feeling better and ready to go.  But at the last moment one of her baby bunnies fell ill.  The Tortoise and her neighbor ran without her.  Again the neighbor called afterwords. 
"The tortoise is running so great.  She just tore up the hills.  When she reached the top she started yelling, where's that Hare now?  She chickened out and was afraid to run with me!  What a wimp!  Where's the Hare huh?"
NOW, the Hare is angry.
And thus...all because of SMACK TALK...WAR IS DECLARED!!
Over the next few days, text messages are exchanged and smack talk accelerates.  Here is a small taste of some of those...
"Vegas has the odds at 6:1. But the neighbors husband won't reveal who the odds favor."
"I ran an 8:10 pace yesterday."
"Yeah well I can do that going uphill with a headwind."
"I am going to cage the tiger."
"This is war!"
"War it is bring it on!"
You get the basic idea.  It is important to note that most of this was fueled by the Tortoise's neighbor, as it is with most wars.  An outsider fuels the fire.
The hare waits as the Tortoise dances from across the street to get into the car.  She casually mentions that through out history the Tortoise always wins because it is WISER.  Rubbish thinks the Hare. 
The drive to the trail head includes more smack talk, motivational music and a weak attempt from the back seat by the Tortoise to strangle the Hare.
"GO!" shouts the Tortoises neighbor as she holds on to the Hare.  The Tortoise runs off laughing.  Sabotaged! Thinks the Hare, but she bides her time.  Unlike the commonly told "fairy tale" of the Tortoise and the Hare, she has a secret.  See this Hare is not foolish.  She has been running with the Tortoises for years.  So she is not only fast, she is also wise.
To summarize the story, the Hare WINS! Was there any doubt?  Now, I will not reveal who is the Hare or Tortoise, but I am sure you can figure it out!
Now, what is the moral of this story?  Well, there are many.  But the main moral is this.  Wisdom alone won't win the race, neither will speed.  It is a combination of the two that brings you success.  I am very grateful to have my "Tortoise" running buddies who have taught me that principle over the hundreds of miles we have ran together.

Also...the Tortoise says to mention that the Hare only won by 3 minutes.  What the Tortoise doens't really is the Hare paced herself and made sure she won without pushing too hard.  Therefore, she would win noe matter what!

Then she ran home and tattled and lied to her Tortoise husband who sent the Hare hate-email:

Dear Hare,

I just never would of thought you would resort to such tactics. Angry smile My poor wife had thigh, knee and hand contusions from your 'push'.Crying face
She said that you just don't play fair. Winking smile So next time I might have to come and officiate.

Mr. Tortoise.


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